Love and Belonging in your relationships

For example how many people do you know just cannot be alone and are so wrapped up in having a man or woman in their lives that they tolerate bad emotional dynamics such as co-dependency? On the other hand how many people do you know are commitment phobic and isolated because they are so afraid of getting hurt? How many of you have been in one or the other or both of these places at some point in your life?

Now we all have times when we have trouble navigating our relationships. We may be feeling insecure and so we cling on tight or we may feel like we will be smothered so we pull away. The key is to become aware of how we are out of balance in the relationships in our lives.

Let’s look at a common relationship pattern for many woman and men. When I do readings for clients I often hear these people say desperate things like: “I can’t live with out him/her can you make them  come back?”

Their desire to maintain the status quo is so strong  because they want to gob on to this person and hoard that individual’s energy and so they will do anything to hang on the the lost lover’s energy even if the relationship was very negative.

Why can't you raise your self-esteem so then you can raise mine?

On the other extreme, those that fear commitment and isolate themselves hoard their own energy. They are not willing to flow and share and are stuck in their problem/negative thought patterns.

"Fear of heights".... "Fear of Commitment More like"

Again it is time to ask yourself some questions. Get out your journal. Write down some questions.

Am I afraid to be alone?

Do I make others responsible for my emotional happiness?

Do I avoid doing things by myself and make others (my friends, kids, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend) do them with me?

Do I use communication patterns to make others feel guilty and obligated?

Do I shut down rather than communicate?

Do I isolate and blame others for my unwillingness to connect to others?

Do I use my fear of the future, attachments to past or my own insecurities as an excuse not to maintain relationships?

Do I resort to a pattern of push you pull me pattern of being in relationships?

The key here is to become aware of extremes. Once you know your patterns you can choose to use your energy differently knowing that co-dependency on one end and emotional isolating on the other end are both forms of energy hoarding.

Once you are more aware of your own habits you can change your communication and interaction style to balance the flow of energy between yourself than the people in your life. Quite simply you will begin to consider and treat others in the way you would like to be treated.

The key thoughts will become: would I like it if they did that to me? and why am I choosing to communicate and interact in this way? At first you will need to journal things out to get to the real reasons behind your actions but eventually you will catch yourself in the middle of a problem/negative thought pattern and be able to turn it around if you really want to.

Once we look at how we relate to others we can look at how we measure our self-worth in other ways. In the next blog we will look more closely at negative problem thinking in the area of Esteem, Success, Achievement and Logical/ Rationality.

Negative/Problem Thought Patterns: Empowerment, Pride, Security relate to the most basic level of getting needs met. On an energetic level getting these base needs met is for many people a very difficult part of their lives.

Problem/Negative Thought Patterns: Empowerment, Pride and Security depletes your personal energy and keep you repeating counter productive behaviors.

Negative/Problem Thought Patterns Related to Empowerment:

There are many examples where people lack empowerment. The most common of these are people who live with abusive people in their lives. The woman who stays with the physically, emotionally or sexually abusive husband for the sake of the kids , the man who stays in a job he hates with a demeaning and manipulative boss because he has a mortgage to pay , the young girl who suffers though sexual abuse at the hands of family and does not know how to stop it are just a few of the ways people get trapped in negative cycles at this level of need fulfillment. For many people this kind of life experience destroys their security (trust), pride (self-esteem and self-respect and ultimately their empowerment (ability to make healthy choices).  Listing the types of possible situations is not where the negative/problem thinking reeks havoc though. Many people live through and survive these kinds of situations and yet manage to become productive and even happy adults.

The negative/problem thinking is an issue in this area if the individual keeps reliving bad relationship experiences and repeating these in the new relationships they become involved in. When this happens it is like the person is stuck in a groove and is redoing the pattern over and over.  So they  keep attracting the same kind of partner, the same kind of boss or abusive people who have authority over them in very personal ways.

But you are reading this and saying “Hey, my relationships and my job  are not THAT bad!” and you are probably right. What we are talking about though is habits and energy patterns that become established  and how that impacts what you attract to you. So let’s look this idea in more detail.  If we believe in the law of attraction and that we each deserve good things in theory then how is it we end up attracting the total opposite of what we want into our lives?

Quite simply life experiences form how you think and that in turn forms more life experiences and so the cycle goes.  The difficult thing for most people is not in realizing that doing the same thing over and over is counter productive. Rather their issue is one of courage to deal with their ego and fears  Their  pride might get in the way and stop them from asking  for help or accepting help or new ideas when they come their way.  Ego and fear of others’ judgment can keep many people stuck in the negative/problem thought pattern as it relates to empowerment, pride and security just like an old vinyl record with a huge chunk out of it. The base fear guiding our actions at this level of the needs hierarchy is fear of material loss and the unknown future– “better the devil I know than the devil I don’t” kind of thinking process is key  at this stage.

Repetitive Negative/Problem Thought Patterns: A Skipping Record

Let’s look at the example of the person who is in the job he or she hates. Now whatever our situations no job is perfect and we all have financial responsibilities that will influence us to maybe stay longer in a job that is not a good fit in our lives.  I have done it and I am sure you have to but what we want to get at is what were you thinking in that time when you stayed and felt you had no other options? For me I was always focused on what I lacked, I worried about money and where my next work would come from. I doubted that I would be successful at whatever I was doing rather than believing good things about myself  I would fret about the big negatives I saw in me, my work and life situations.  I would say ” I don’t want to be poor!” rather than “Abundance is mine.” I would think “I hate my nasty @##%# boss!” rather than examining what I could learn from the situation. Focusing my energy this way while counterproductive was definitely a habit and while I could analyze to death why I thought that way the important thing became how to change it. I was angry and blaming and insecure for many years and had a real issue with help offered or constructive suggestions that friends offered. I was really in a bad ego place and felt that admitting my issues would mean I was weak, messed up and a bad person.

When I realized that how I was choosing to think was dampening my energy vibration I also had to take responsibility for the choices I was making. Now this did note mean that I dumped that crappy job right away, I had to learn from it and so I had to adjust my attitude. That adjustment then raised my vibration and so I drew more people to me who were happier and felt they had the ability to make choices and changes in their lives.

While this was a huge step forward, I was doing this process gradually over time and so in some areas of my life I was having great success with different levels needs fulfillment while in other areas or on other levels  I was still stuck in the grove of negative/problem thinking.

That being said let’s take this one step at a time and realize that this is a healing process.  How do we start to change old patterns? The simple answer is by gaining more self-awareness.  Keeping a journal and asking ourselves the tough questions can be a really go method to becoming more self-aware.  Doing this can really give you a true sense of self-empowerment.

Questions about your personal/self-empowerment pride and security to consider.

Am I staying and a bad relationship or work situation because of financial pressures?

Do I repetitively focus on the negativity of my situations rather than what I can learn from them?

Do I more often blame others in my life (my husband, wife or kids)  for the situations in which I find myself where I feel stuck or trapped?

Do I blame the universe (God is punishing me), the society I live in ( the economy is bad, or this is just what the world is about)  or my post life experiences (my mother/father never believed in me so I know I am not good enough) for the choices I make now?

Do I resist the reality of my level of unhappiness in these situations as a way to avoid the truth?

Am I prideful and refuse help offered and suggestions made by others that could help me change these situations?

While these questions might be intimidating or difficult to answer the key to Empowerment, Pride, Security is self-awareness that leads to action. With this in mind you may want to keep a journal where you keep track of your thoughts and answer these questions in writing. By putting thoughts in writing they become more concrete and we become very cognizant of our patterns.  Clarity and honesty are great ways to boost your energy/ vibrational frequency and start attracting to you what you do want in your life.

In the next blog we continue our exploration of the needs hierarchy with a examination of Negative/Problem Thought Patterns: Belongingness, Acceptance and Love.

First of all we all have positive and negative thought patterns. They are just part of what it is to be human!  Thought patterns are our way of seeing the world and coping with what we are experiencing.

All thought patterns are our mind’s way of protecting us or helping us to get needs met. Problem/negative thought patterns are those thought patterns that might have worked for us in the past but are now no longer helping us function in our day-to-day lives. In fact, they tend to prevent us from reaching our fullest potential.

So what kinds of needs are these positive and problem/negative thought patterns trying to fulfill?

Maslows Hierarchy Of Needs A Pathway to Greater Personal Potental and Satisfaction

Empowerment, Pride, Security We all need to feel capable and independent and safe. We want to have our dignity and we want to have the right and ability to make our own choices. This need is all about the ego and unfortunately the ego can get out of check and this is when problem thought patterns form and result in actions  that prevent us from happiness and even alienate us from others.

Belongingness, Acceptance and Love
These patterns and related actions are connected to our social nature. Humans are social and each of us needs a certain level of interconnectedness with our families, friends and society as a whole. The problem arises when we are at the either end of the extremes. For example co-dependent on the one end or isolated on the other.

Esteem, Success, Achievement and Logical/ Rationality
This need is driven by our need for self-worth and a way of measuring it. While the ideas people have as to what denotes success, achievement and what makes them worthy differ the need itself is common for all of us. Thought patterns about this become problematic when we are so hooked into getting this need met that we stop enjoying life. It is usually at this time that people are also fixated on looking outside themselves tot the approval of others  meet this need.

Individualism, Relativism  and Sensitivity
While it is only natural to want to be free to express ourselves as people and it is quite true that you have your reality and I have mine, the trick is how do we balance your needs and mine so that we can create our own realities while respecting each others need for and right to individual self expression. Sensitivity is the key and that is where personal awareness comes in. Again our thought patterns in this area become problematic if we are unaware of our thoughts and actions and so act in ways that infringe on the needs and rights of others or allow others to dominate us and prevent our need for individualism from being met.

Self Actualization and Integration While this is the ultimate goal of self-discovery and self-awareness leading to personal emotional, mental and spiritual growth. This need is a challenge because it is in trying to fulfill this need that we must balance the other needs mentioned above even if fulfilling each of those individual needs seems contradictory at times.

In the next blog we will look at some of the particular problem/negative thought patterns as they relate to each area of need listed above.

I Think Therefore I Am (I Think)... Cartoon

It is well understood in many spiritual traditions that thoughts have power and are real things. The more I work as an intuitive counselor the more I am convinced of this fact. Quite simply, what you think is what you manifest in your life be it positive or negative.  And while I do not like to give negativity any power.  science is discovering that prolonged stress does in fact change the chemistry of our brains! Yes there is a biological basis for the many mood disorders and stress related illnesses that people are coping with.  Depression may start out as situational ( related to our life circumstances) but if not dealt with it can cause permanent changes to the brain chemistry.

As a Spiritualist Medium/ Psychic Advisor I see many people who are under duress and for most of them (thank goodness) it is not an ongoing, protracted state of being.  It is however still a state of being that can impact our energy levels and our thinking. Herein is the rub… which came first the stress or the negative thinking? In other words is the stress causing our negative thinking or is our negative thinking causing stress?

In this series of blog posts we will examine:

Some common problem thought  habits.

How do these habitual patterns  bog down our energy vibration?

What are the effects of these unconscious patterns?

How did we develop these habits?

Why do these problem thought habits persist?

What can we do to release problem thought habits so we restore our energy vibration to its highest level?

What are the benefits of maintaining the highest vibrational level possible?

Intuition (Giclee Print) Theresa Lucero

Hello and welcome to Intuition Tells Me So…  It is my hope that as this blog develops you enjoy what you find here!

To tell you a  bit about me I am a professional psychic and spiritualist medium. I am often asked: How do you know that? How were you able to see that? What do you see around me?

I do not always know how or why I sense and say what I do but I do know that I am blessed to help people with my impressions and I do trust them because as the name of the blog suggests my Intuition Tells me so!

Profound life-changing messages do come out of the readings I do for clients that do not just apply to them alone.  With this in mind it is my intention to create a space that will allow you the reader to feel enlightened, inspired  as you read through the posts that are to follow.

Again welcome and blessings,

Catherine